The pace of summer is supposed to slow down but my Monday ripped to a start with one child departing for a week away and another starting field hockey camp. Both began at the same hour, of course.
I frantically shoved things in bags. “Did you remember…..” and “where is my…” being hurled throughout the house. The six year old finally reached her melting point.
She stood in the kitchen, hands on hips, my mirror reflection in pint size form.
“You don’t know anything, mom!” she declared with absolute certainty.
And this morning, she was right.
I write humorous devotions for moms. Funny stories that highlight the sanity sucking moments of motherhood. I wrap them into scripture and deliver it in a neat and tidy package to mamas who are tired from being up with a cranky baby. Worn out from the piled up laundry. Stressed by the frantic pace of life. Laughter to heal your weary soul and scripture to soothe your hurting one.
But what do you write on the morning after a mass shooting. Another mass shooting. When the media is flooded with a text message from a terrified son that read, “Mommy, I love you. I’m gonna die.”
Normally I don’t let my mind go there. This morning I did. And I became very clear on one thing. I do not know anything.
How can a God I have given my life to, allow such tragedy? How can a Savior I will do anything to follow, not save?
I do not know. I can’t wrap this up in a neat little box for you. There are some mornings where the laughter is silent and the answers unknown.
But between the knowing and not knowing, there is this. In our yard, is a small burrow in a tall patch of grass. This morning, my children are gathered around that hole. Buried beneath a blanket of gray fuzz, are three baby bunnies. Their tiny bodies breathe in and out in one rhythm. My children are mesmerized. Unable to stop watching the miracle below.
This morning. The morning after. The morning after all the afters that happen in each of our lives.
That very same morning, that holds such sadness, grief and pain, also holds new life, beauty and hope.
I do not know anything. Anything but hope.