I Don’t Know Anything

The pace of summer is supposed to slow down but my Monday ripped to a start with one child departing for a week away and another starting field hockey camp. Both began at the same hour, of course.

I frantically shoved things in bags. “Did you remember…..” and “where is my…” being hurled throughout the house. The six year old finally reached her melting point.

She stood in the kitchen, hands on hips, my mirror reflection in pint size form.

“You don’t know anything, mom!” she declared with absolute certainty.

And this morning, she was right.

I write humorous devotions for moms. Funny stories that highlight the sanity sucking moments of motherhood. I wrap them into scripture and deliver it in a neat and tidy package to mamas who are tired from being up with a cranky baby. Worn out from the piled up laundry. Stressed by the frantic pace of life. Laughter to heal your weary soul and scripture to soothe your hurting one.

But what do you write on the morning after a mass shooting. Another mass shooting. When the media is flooded with a text message from a terrified son that read, “Mommy, I love you. I’m gonna die.”

Normally I don’t let my mind go there. This morning I did. And I became very clear on one thing. I do not know anything.

How can a God I have given my life to, allow such tragedy? How can a Savior I will do anything to follow, not save?

I do not know. I can’t wrap this up in a neat little box for you. There are some mornings  where the laughter is silent and the answers unknown.

But between the knowing and not knowing, there is this. In our yard, is a small burrow in a tall patch of grass. This morning, my children are gathered around that hole. Buried beneath a blanket of gray fuzz, are three baby bunnies. Their tiny bodies breathe in and out in one rhythm. My children are mesmerized. Unable to stop watching the miracle below.

This morning. The morning after. The morning after all the afters that happen in each of our lives.

That very same morning, that holds such sadness, grief and pain, also holds new life, beauty and hope.

I do not know anything. Anything but hope.

About Jennifer Louise Diaz

Jennifer Louise Diaz is a writer, storyteller and motivational speaker. She has a degree in social work, and her years working in this profession have ignited her passion for helping women find their buried laughter, faith and joy. Jennifer’s love of comedy, the written word and storytelling create an engaging platform to share her message, both online and in person. She writes a weekly blog called “Devo on the Go” that highlights the hilarious insanity of being a mama to four kiddos. It has been featured by the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, Humorwriters.org and Faithful Devotions.

She also produces an online Bible study called “B-Study on the Go” that allows busy moms to dig into the Word from the soccer field, pick-up line or behind a locked bathroom door.

When she is not writing, she serves as a seasoned “road warrior” – dropping off and picking up numerous children from various activities. She will have at least one teenager in the house for the next 13 years. Prayers are appreciated!

2 comments on “I Don’t Know Anything

  1. Jenn I wish I knew how to respond to what happen . in the bible it gives us the answers we need. as I find on a regular basis. to post on fb of how I feel is not the place. do any of us know the whole story no. but people this day in age do what they do. does it make God cry yes. and what the sad part to me is Jesus cried this weekend and thats what’s sad. to bring some home and some he had to turn away.

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